Kermit: Yeah, I know, yeah, Kermit, about that poultry, you see, yesterday... [removes his hat]... duck-hunting season began, Statler: Well, what did you think? [a bunch of chickens just played "Down at Papa Joe's" on the piano], Statler: Awful! Waldorf: Yeah, not having to watch it. Waldorf: Do what? Waldorf: [pulling out a television set] No, I plan to watch television! For the past ten years, she has eaten nothing but seaweed. He's my favorite opera singer. After my mother saw me, she went to the hospital. The Newsman: Still, these groundless rumors persist. The Loop (TV) Do you like this video? They were all written by the same writer. Waldorf: [looking down from the balcony] He shouldn't have jumped. Gonzo: Okay. Don't look now, Bergen, but somebody left the sty gate open. [Kermit nods again] Kermie, you are out of your little green mind! Kermit the Frog: No, I was saving the best part for a surprise. Muppet Newsman: [ringing bell] 5 o'clock and all's well! Alone. Oh, and thank the Swedish Chef for sending me this lovely... chicken... sandwich. What do you think of him? That cannonball agency just called. Famous French clothing designer David Lazour was arrested today under the poultry laws for designing clothes that can suddenly turn into chickens. Kermit the Frog: Uh, wait, wait, wait. Mildred: You mean you're attracted to me? I'm a tired frog. Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 View Quote. I am a musician, remember? Statler: Yeah, now we got to worry about termites. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: [as a gorilla is destroying the lab behind him] Think of the safety. You'll believe a frog can sing! She's very versatile. [Statler and Waldorf are wearing flamboyant Elton John-type costumes]. The continuing storrrrry of a quack who's gone to the dogs. Waldorf: [responding to Paul Williams doing "Old Fashioned Love Song"] He's a credit to his race. Statler: Ah! Fozzie Bear: Hey hey hey hey hey! It's not the song. Dateline: Brooklyn, New York. Right, Bert? Miss Piggy: Oh, well, uh, yeah, what, uh... Gonzo: Well, she's nothing like you at all. A former circus daredevil, who billed himself as Boffo the Human Cannonball, fired himself out of a cannon yesterday into a crowd of holiday shoppers. Fozzie: What do you think, huh? This is an adaptation from Charles Dickens classic novel that tells about the metamorphosis of Scrooge. This knight business is an actor's gig. Waldorf: A summons from the Board of Health, I wager. [Gonzo appears in a cloud of smoke, holding a paper] Gonzo, is that the contract from the devil? Always remember: square is beautiful. Fozzie: New York is so crowded, even the cemeteries are standing room only. Fozzie: [stammering nervously] Well, maybe, I, uh... Vincent Price: I must tell you I am not alone. You know what? In fact it's over. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. The Great Gonzo: The world will forever wonder who I am! Fifteen seconds to curtain, Miss Sommer. Who's the guest star tonight? Animal: [nods head emphatically] Yeah, yeah! Kermit the Frog: [shouting] That's a bold-faced *lie*, Piggy! Hai-ya! George Burns: I like that joke. Connie Stevens: Well thank you, Kermit, I had a ball. On the other hand, we have a lot of brand-new, innovative stuff. Statler: You know, when I see that Judy Collins, I'm glad I left my wife. Sgt. [sees a small candle on the desk] Uh, it's too dark in here to read the news by. Candice Bergen: Really? My old buddy Bert. But the show is addressing incarceration in a way it didn't used to: by bringing the show directly to the kids and families it wants to reach. Sam The Bald Eagle: Immoral is something that's not right and illegal is me with a tummy ache. Memes and quotes, celebrating Jim Henson's funny and mischievous Muppets. [looks past the camera as if reading que cards]. Gonzo: Oh, I can assure you, you'll be in no danger. Every show has a script! With Jim Henson, Frank Oz, Richard Hunt, Dave Goelz. Cowboy: Sorry Kid. Fozzie Bear: Come on, pick up the pace. Statler: Why should we leave now? [the crowd boos loudly; running off-stage]. Statler: Double or nothing next week's show? Kermit the Frog: Ladies and gentlemen. Rowlf: Hello, Miss Kitty. The Newsman: Reports are coming in from all over the world that television news reporters are blowing up. Don't worry about the king. The Entertainer: the Star of the Show. Miss Piggy: You don't make it easy, Frog! View Quote. Wait a minute. Statler: There was something thrilling about being in the show tonight. I urge you to… Statler: [Waldorf holds up a score card that says "1"] You gave him a 1? Statler: Oh, yeah? Statler: You know, Gonzo would have been perfect for that movie he was going to star in. [suddenly, the news desk comes to life and eats the Newsman], Kermit the Frog: Be prepared for the strange, the weird and the scary, because our guest star is none other than the crown prince of terror, Mr. Vincent Price. Fozzie: I am a telephone pole, I am made of solid wood. Rowlf: My own mother turns down her hearing aid when I sing this song. The only one of us with real honor. Directed by … Statler: So they blew up half the theater. Statler: [seeing Waldorf asleep] Wake up! Statler, Waldorf: [startled] No, we didn't! Scooter: Oh sure, boss. The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. Waldorf: [after the song "Happy Feet"] You know, on the show that wasn't funny. Miss Piggy: Uh, listen, yellow thing. What did you get? I think I see why. The timing of the shrew! Kermit: If anything goes wrong here, Fozzie... Fozzie: [to himself] Fi-fi-fired? The lovely Miss Juliet Prowse. Unique The Muppet Show Quotes Posters designed and sold by artists. Fozzie: I am too talented for my own good. Fozzie: [thinking they are talking about him] The bear can barely bear it, folks. Statler: [reacting to the Luncheon Counter Monster eating a machine] Disgusting! Fozzie Bear: My house is so dirty that my dog buries his bones in the living room carpet. Kermit: [Towards the camera] I think this is what's called a running gag. [suddenly, the Newsman's clothes turn into a bunch of clucking chickens], [Robin's Frog Scout troop are up in Waldorf and Statler's theater box]. We'd also like to present with you a little gift that we give to all our guest stars on the show. Fozzie: I don't know what to say except that if you the frog want me the bear to stay, then I'll just have to have a raise. After two pilot episodes produced in 1974 and 1975 failed to get the attention of network executives in the United States, Lew Grade approached Henson to produce the program in the United Kingdom for ATV. Uh, listen, I hate to complain, but... [clears throat]... there's a man eating my make-up table. [sees Waldorf asleep] You too, huh? Kermit: Hey, keep working on that accent, it might come in handy. Dr. Honeydew: Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs where the future is being made today. Kermit: Well, that's part of the fun. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Miss Piggy: [incredulous] Surprise? Waldorf: Are you sure you didn't just forget to put them on again? You are fired! Dateline: Egypt. . You hippie! Edgar Bergen: You'll have to excuse Mortimer. I am Miss Piggy.” “Uh, listen, yellow thing. Miss Piggy: [Gonzo has come up behind Piggy and is nuzzling up to her] GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU TWIT TURKEY! I didn't see you there. Come on, Hilda, what do you say? [suddenly, a huge cheese wheel rolls through the newsroom and bowls over the Newsman, followed by some mice]. [walks off], Zero Mostel: [mockingly] Dignity! LEAVE OR BE DOOOOOOOOOMED! Get a hair cut! Janice: You mean like if Dr. Bob actually cured a patient? Fozzie: The bear is the worst thing she's ever seen in this theatre? You weirdo! Here I am. Statler: "The Revenge of the Little Blue Geek". I believe in re-incarnation. The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! You're a square bear that ought to be served medium rare. Then Fozzie and Bruce end up performing together, and sing "Side by Side." Other Gypsy: Yes - but you're gonna play anyway! Fozzie: Right. So I shall now just turn slowly around and see what is going on here. A real assignment, yes, yes! Statler: [about the Muppet Labs segment] That was great, fantastic! Kermit: "And now I want you to close your eyes and think of exotic Greek dancers, because if you open them you'll see this." Waldorf: You can remember when Arthur was king. Scooter: Bernadette Peters. Eric Jacobson has performed the character since then. I know that he can be difficult and trying. Kermit: That's a cheap joke. A duck appears frequently in the sketches and skits. Fozzie: Hey, did you hear the one about the kangaroo that comes into a store, and a hippopotamus comes out and he says to the kanga [curtains close] HEY I WASN'T FINISHED! Fozzie Bear: Hey, have I got an opening joke for you tonight! Charlie McCarthy: You? [Waldorf reaches out to change the channel, only to get zapped as static is heard on the TV] Shocking, isn't it? No unforeseen disasters so far. Scooter: Seen at the nicest places where well fed faces all stop to stare/Making the grandest entrance is Simon Smith and his Dancing Bear. I mean, seriously, I think you've been using your imagination too much. Statler: Yes, and we'll keep saying it until it gets a laugh. Waldorf: I'd like to get close to Connie Stevens. [leaves with his arm around Gonzo's shoulder]. Bert: See what I mean? Fozzie Bear: Hey, I went to a resort hotel for a change and a rest. Dom DeLuise: Actually, the little teensy basket of fruit is more suitable to you. [Kermit runs off screaming], [Waldorf and Statler are naked, with barrels over their bodies]. Let me guess. Hi there and welcome to The Muppet Show! The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! Scooter: Gee, my uncle who owns the theatre thought of this act. Waldorf: That's the problem. Statler: We got our money's worth tonight. Waldorf: I believe it; they'd take anything that's not nailed down! Miss Piggy: Angry? Elke Sommer: [during goodnights, Elke runs off screen after Beaker loses control of a chainsaw] Is it always like this? I like him. Capt. There's a toad loose in the theater. Candice Bergen: Kermit, he ate my camera. Waldorf: Ha! [suddenly, the cushion the man is sitting on comes to life and tries to attack him]. Waldorf: [seeing Statler dressed as a money-themed superhero] Hey! Kermit the Frog: What a dumb dog! I've just figured out your style. Waldorf: Maybe I'm getting soft, but I loved it. And you must admit that the arms are a little bit floppy and soggy, Bert. What's that got to do with what we just heard? The Atlantic Ocean has just been kidnapped. Edit Buy. The Muppet Show characters are famous the world over and so in keeping with the aims of our parent website,, to sell only well known branded cards, including the Muppets as a card range, was an easy decision to make. Rowlf the Dog: [as Dr. Bob] Hey! Kermit the Frog: You leave nothing to chance, huh? This is a great chance for you. [suddenly, a bunch of silverware rains down on the desk]. The music was performed by Jack Parnell and his orchestra. As he stalks off flailing his arms] This is outrageous! I don't travel much. Gonzo: So you see, breaking up with you isn't painful at all. History Talk (0) Share ... A good example would be The Muppet Show pilot episode was named Sex and Violence and was supposed to be a fun and satirical show that could steer any audience in society and not just tell warm fuzzy stories about a pig trying to marry a frog. Rowlf the Dog: [as Dr. Bob treating a Viking pig] I know all about them - they come from Denmark. No, no I didn't make a sale. Wanda: But this is supposed to be the place for the Connie Stevens spot? How did she do that? Is that disgusting? At last, your family can be protected from the heartbreak of gorilla invasion. But you know, we have out hopes and our dreams. Statler: That's crazy! Scooter: Hey, Beau, want to know what you're gonna be doing in the future? I was raised by a dad who has a fantastic sense of humor who raised me on 'The Muppet Show,' Steve Martin movies, and Woody Allen's standup, and he really encouraged me to ham it up from an early age. Are there any requests? George Burns. Kermit the Frog: And now, for the second time this evening, the Great Gonzo will attempt a motorcycle jump off of this stage into that box up there, landing safely between those two elderly gentlemen! [Gonzo has gotten over his crush on Miss Piggy]. Anyhow, take care of yourselves and we'll see you next time on "The Muppet Show". Me encanta lo que veo y lo que no pues está ahí y ya.” Eso fue lo que un día me pasó y aunque hay ahí algo de más y algo de menos…pues es lo que…, Love the muppets and the quote is almost true especially where I work. Statler: We're look like members of the rock age! Waldorf: That's one of the reasons I always thought the Muppets are weird. There are plenty more timewasting posters for you to enjoy on his site. Waldorf: That's one of the reasons I always thought the Muppets are weird. The Muppet Show Quotes / Memes. Zoot: Do you expect me to play this, man? Kermit: Uh, I'm sorry, Sam. Wanda: [screaming] Help, there's a phantom in the dressing room! So here he is, as threatened, the Great Gonzo singing a song. Fozzie Bear: Kermit, your timing must be off. Posted by on September 10, 2017. Kermit the Frog: Not without a forklift, I can't! Waldorf: "I Did It Sideways"! Happy Timewasting! [gets agitated] Where pigs eat swill! Floyd: Okay, you need a broken leg, I'll fall on you again. Statler: Yes, unless I get lucky and break my leg. Waldorf: We're look more like members of the Stone Age! Kermit the Frog: I mean me! I mean we had some mean customers. That's very important. He was put on this earth to bring us laughter and mirth. Kermit the Frog: And now for your amazement and confusion, The Muppet Show's resident weird person, Gonzo the Great will grow a tomato plant whilst playing the 1812 Overture on the violin. [Waldorf and Statler's theater box is full of chickens]. Excuse me, do you have a room for the night? You are here. Sgt. This bunch of cows loves me. Kermit the Frog: And where did they GO? Wait a minute! Jim Henson Statler And Waldorf Quotes Kevin Clash Muppets Most Wanted Strange Beasts Comedy The Cosby Show Sesame Street Characters Muppet Babies. The Newsman: Good evening, and welcome to Muppet News International. Candice Bergen: What do you get when you order a Russian dressing? Yes, he knows just what to do, he knows how to brings down the house when he's through. The show wasn't that bad. Very nice, you guys have come a long way since you were feather dusters. Loretta Swit: Alright then, why don't you two just kiss and make up? I had my eyes closed. History Talk (0) Share. George Burns: About twenty a day. Waldorf: Yeah. Waldorf: [robotic voice] No, I didn't... No, I didn't... Fozzie Bear: A lot of these folks want to see me! With the name of the board you would like to be added to. You're on next. Before your very eyes, I will ride this motorcycle up this ramp and jump directly into... [looks up at Waldorf and Statler's theater box]... THAT box, landing safely between those two elderly gentlemen. I was willing to give them credit! But right now let's get things rolling on The Muppet Show where we have "Comedy Tonight". Kermit: OK, I tell you what - you tell a joke and I will heckle you. I think it's terrific being with you. Fozzie Bear: Alright, listen, you will know when I point to you. The Newsman: Yes, Dr. Ogelbaum, can you tell us about this cure? Mark Hamill: [as Luke Skywalker] Beats me, '3PO. Kermit the Frog: Gonzo, you're not going to sing are you? Floyd: Man to man? Waldorf: Yeah? Dateline: Moscow. Statler: You know, they can improve the whole show if they just changed the ending. Fozzie: Let's all sing the rhyming song, the rhyming song, the rhyming song. Scooter: Oh, so *you're* the telephone Pole! HI-YA! I... what does it mean when you dream people are walking on your head? [karate-chops Gonzo on the nose, twisting it into his mouth], [the Swedish Chef had tried to put a lobster in a pot, only for it to be saved by a bunch of gun-toting lobster banditos]. Tonight, I'm going to use your assistance. I think he's just great. Edgar Bergen: Oh, you're lonesome? [goes back to sleep]. Scooter: Soon. Discover and share Muppets Chef Quotes. Tags: Clickable Quiz, Follow That Line Quiz, Quote Quiz, fill-in-the-blank, jokes, Matching, Miss World, The Muppets, The Muppet Show, TV Quotes Top Quizzes Today Celebrities by Birthplace 141 Statler: Yeah, it wasn't rare, and it certainly wasn't well done. Statler: Yes, it was good. Gonzo: What? Fozzie Bear: [Rowlf and Lew Zealand exit for the stage] Go get 'em! You also loved World War II! The Muppet Show quotes 172 total quotes. Robin the Frog: Well, nobody notices me around here. Well, I picked it up, but there wasn't anybody there. Fozzie throws some nasty jokes and, for the first (and last) time, leaves the two old codgers speechless. Kermit: And now a man who needs no introduction, so what am I doing out here? Fozzie Bear: Hey, c'mon, guys, no heckling! This time I have really got it. His goal: to break the world's record in flagpole sitting. [a screen turns on, revealing Twiggy as Lola Thomas]. Robot Kermit: Hey, listen you, how about you and me getting together and makin' some ste-e-e-am heat. Rowlf: No, you're not. Kermit: No. I'm going to call my agent! Fozzie: Ugh! Kermit the Frog: Yeah, but the Simon Smith number is next. Further developments will... [suddenly, a weight drops on his head]. Kermit the Frog: Which is the right "here"? Waldorf: [singing] You are my sunshine, my only sunshine... Statler: I'm not your son and my name's not Shine! [the camera pulls back to reveal the show being watched by a man at home]. Fozzie Bear: Heeey, you know that the bear is funny. "Lullaby of Birdland" is a jazz classic. Fozzie: Oh, I been hearing what they've been saying about the old bear. And that's all tonight from Muppet News. Lew Zealand and Rowlf do something funny...", Fozzie Bear, Rowlf the Dog: [Fozzie reads with him] "... Curtains close.". Kermit: Well, that wasn't exactly an abject apology. Statler: If I'd known that judge was giving us the box, I'd have asked for the chair. Waldorf: Of course he loves it; he's the kind of guy who plants poison ivy. Your star is not angry. Sgt. And he thinks I'm moldy! They're taking about me. Animal... are you ready? Kermit the Frog: I'VE SEEN CHEESEBURGERS FUNNIER THAN THAT! Kermit the Frog: Say, how many of those cigars do you smoke? [the "Good grief, the comedian's a bear" routine continued]. Fozzie Bear: Oh, come on Kermit! [the Newsman laughs at his own joke; the conductor jams his baton in the Newsman's nose], [the conductor nods and removes his baton], [Tony Randall has found a spell that turns statues into pigs], Tony Randall: Pigskin. Kermit says it's a disgrace to have him around and we oughta get a new one. A man of dignity. [Crazy Harry walks up and places a lit stick of dynamite on the desk], Crazy Harry: Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee. Kermit: I-In fact, that was Rudolf Nureyev. Waldorf: Now why would they have a bunch of chickens singing "Baby Face"? How come? Juliet Prowse: That's funny. Hit it!

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